Hello dear readers! Sorry for being MIA the past few weeks. I have been fighting for life. Hahaha! Kidding! But first, I want to apologize for the inconvenience of my blog, I was looking for a new theme that might complement my taste but I couldn’t make a decision for it, and I was not in the mood to tweak a theme. Well, this is the cause for being so stress at school. I might update more often here now, because I really, truly miss blogging. I’m thinking of making a change, again, for good. It is not literally changing everything, I was just thinking about making it a happier blog than it used to be; full of life, love and smiles. A blog that I’ve been trying to make but I couldn’t. Now, I’ll try.
There are many agendas going on with my life now, and I guess I really have to stay busy, no choice. To my surprise, I am more worried about the future. It seems to be, my goals and dreams are my priority. It should be. Let’s see where would this bring me.
I’m in love now, who could have noticed that? I am happy, really happy. I wish this could be a new beginning for me, the new change I want to have. I still have this fear that he might leave me too, but I have to be positive that not everyone will leave me, and not everything I could have is for me to be wretched. All I can say is that, my heart is happy, and I know someone is happy to be with me too.
Few months ago, I made myself happy and free. Most of the times, I hang out with people. I took the challenge of being single and contended. I didn’t need anything more than myself. I loved my life, I appreciate the gift, I treasure every moments. And as time passes by, I’m becoming more anxious about choosing to be happy or lying to myself. I was indeed happy, but in my heart I was longing for love and sincerity.
A year back, I was in grieved. I felt like dying. Until one day, I trusted God about what happened that he has better plans for me. I was not wrong about it; the wrong thing there is that was living in lies. My happiness isn’t real, my smiles are slightly true and I’m unsure. In my mind, things would become better if I let go easily. And for so many reasons, I tried. God knows how much I suffered because of making smiles worthwhile.
And now, I will leave the past behind. I will let go of the burden. I found myself loving again. But in the end, I still choose to be happy, as what I think I deserve. My past and my present is still my future. I am not regretting anything, I am happy about everything.
What I learned.
It seems to be weekend is the only time I get myself to enjoy life. No doubt it will be more pressured and busier than what I experiencing now. To my surprise, i noticed that my class has more vacant time, but those times are used to make school works and plates. I’m loving college because it teaches me so much about grabbing opportunities, appreciating my works and enhancing my skills. Most of the time, I always worry about my future, and achieving my goals. College life trains me to become better.
I learned so much about living, too. Most of the time, I find myself looking in the sky, talking to God. I became more independent; without needing of special care, support, or protection. I was strong enough to break walls and have to appreciate new people around me. Living isn’t just about appreciating, it also means understanding why you have to live. And for me, I understand how life gets rough and smooth. If it dwells within you, you will feel complete because life is a gift that only few understands. It doesn’t have to seek attention, it has to be treasured by heart.
I still have those feelings as such of being; broken, empty, unappreciated, insulted, hated. It’s a matter of living, and fighting with the same caused. For me, keeping it is the right thing to do because it will be a motivation for me to go stronger and bolder. Achieving what we deserve isn’t too late yet, because we all have time. We just need to keep those feelings as an inspiration to go on, for that one day you will just laugh at it and you won’t bother about it at all.